ive been in a pretty crummy mood the past few days. i don't really know what set me off, but yesterday i got in a really really bad mood.

part of me has been doing a lot of thinking about my life. what i want out of it. what i have to give. and what it really is going to be like. i am fairly happy with my life. i think i have a lot of things going for me right now, and i love that.

but sometimes, i feel i don't offer enough. sometimes i feel i am not wanted around by people. i feel as if i'm some kind of bumout or not fun enough to be around.

lately ive been pretty bummed out about krissy and i. we haven't done anything by ourselves or anything besides sit around and watch tv. the past few weekends she has gone to akron to hang out with her friends, while i've done nothing but sit at home. we don't go out anymore, and it really just bums me out. I asked her if she wanted to go to the show we are playing this weekend and she blew me off and just said, "no."

it seems she has been doing a bit better with her depression. she's been in better moods, and ive been doing my best in dealing with her with this. ive been very supportive and trying to help her along with it. but at the same point, while i try my best with this, it seems to bring me down to a level where i bottle things like this up and it starts to get me depressed about things.

another thing that has been on my mind lately, and maybe i'm really blowing this out of proportion, is something that has to do with brianna. Krissy always used to refer to me to brianna as "dad." and while yes, i am not her dad, she used to call me it all the time. it felt nice, because i would do anything for her. but she doesnt call me that anymore. i'm not sure what im more confused about, that she doesnt call me that anymore, or the fact that krissy stopped referring me as that.

and lastly, i think one thing that has bugged me most is that i am lost as to where we stand as in getting married. we havent taqlked about plans at all. and she doesnt want to talk about it. and lately everyone and their mother have been asking me what the plans are, and i just feel lost.

maybe im over reacting about a lot of things, but its just been eating me inside.